One HHHundred & EIGHHHTEYYY!!

A Short History of Medicine

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."

1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."

1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."

1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."

2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."~Author Unknown

After carefully trawling across several websites, we were pleased to discover that most travel vaccines were avoidable, given the route we are taking has a similar latitude to the U.K. Since we aren't entering the tropics, Africa or S. America, we needn't worry about Malaria, Yellow Fever, Meningitis or Japanese B Encephalitis. So Geoff, 5'10" (yeh right-you can see his feet on his driver's licence!) decided as a general precaution, on a Tetanus booster, I assume because his bikes are usually rusty old nails, and Rabies, as it's possible we may encounter a bear. Personally I wouldn't wait long enough to see if a bear was foaming at the mouth. A good way to tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly, is a black bear will climb a tree after you to kill you, whereas a grizzly will knock the tree down and kill you. Usually because it sees you as a threat, so it's best to curl up on the ground and play dead, rather than fight it and be dead. They are usually seeking food, like me, so ours will be kept in airtight containers.

We have an award winning First Need Deluxe water purifier, that removes bacteria and chemicals from any water source, so we will always have 100% safe drinking water. Unlike most water filters and purifiers, this one doesn't use iodine or any other chemicals. It's expensive, but probably our most vital piece of kit, as most viruses are spread through drinking water.

Camping on the shores of Loch Lomond during summer 2006, taught us the importance of protection from mosquitoes. Milyons of 'em.
"Would Sir care for some mosquito repellent?"

"No thanks, I'm sure we'll be.....ok, we'll take two!"

Copious amounts of Deet are therefore ready for deployment, as is a lesser known, but very affective protection, in the form of Avon Skin So Soft. Obviously, in the interests of upkeeping our biker machismo, by no account shall we admit to it's use.

Out of curiosity, I contacted my local GP and was advised to fill out a travel vaccine form, so they could inform me which diseases, if any, are currently prevalent in the countries we are travelling. In the meantime, I was given a one-off pneumonia jab.

"You're going to need quite a few Mr. Kelly" the nurse reliably informed me the following day. "And as soon as possible, some of these are a course of three!"

The list is as follows:

Hepatitis A & B

Typhoid

Diphtheria

Tetanus

Polio

Rabies

Tick Borne Encephalitis

Malaria (only if we decide to go deep into Mexico, so we wont!)

The good news is all were free of charge except Rabies and Tick Borne Encephalitis, which are expensive and not usually available from local GPs. I managed to get an appointment next morning at my local medical centre to receive an armful of TBE, in exchange for a handful of cash. £6o a jab, with the second needed within 4 weeks, and a third in 6 months if you need 3 years protection. Rabies was available from my GP at £101 for a 3 course. Normally you won't receive more than two jabs at once, but as we are less than 1 month from departure, I had Hepatitis A & B, TBE and Rabies all in the same day.

I felt like a Voodoo doll, wondering if the process worked in reverse, imagining an effigy of me in pain. Or maybe I'd sat in the way of Phil 'The Power' Taylor on one of his 'off' days. But hey, I've had fun before....

Luckily modern needles are so small you hardly notice them, so if you're travelling get vaccinated. I promise you won't feel like a victim of a drive-by jousting from Sir Lancelot.

This month is proving to be our busiest by far, and we are both feeling the strain. And my antibodies are busier than blind man putting socks on a rooster.

I need a holiday.