The adventure begins....

Every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world's phenomena intersect, only once in this way and never again. ~Hermann Hesse

According to my satnav I've covered 1075 miles so far, so only around 24000 to go then....

I've been busier than a zombie at a mensa conference these last few days. I had the last of my jabs Tuesday, then straight to Farleigh Hospice to meet Fiona Ward for lunch. (Chicken and ham pie!) I presented Fiona with the Farleigh cake my brother Steve had made for me (a friends mum) yet again I've been touched by the generosity not only of friends and family, but complete strangers. Two bikers turned up, John and Joe, to give us a friendly send off in the pouring rain. After posing for a few photos during a break in the weather, off we went to hunt for the last elusive equipment for the trip. My brother Phil and wife Pippa kindly gave me enough money to buy a decent tent, for which I am eternally grateful. Almost everything is on the bike so now they are heavier than a sumo wrestlers plate at a buffet. It's an interesting technique to climb aboard, but one small step for me, one giant leap for Geoff (4'3''). Just a few minor tweaks to the homemade 'Pooratech' (patent pending) equipment, then down to Folkestone for the night ready to board the P&O ferry at Dover Thursday morning. So that's it, the adventure begins. I haven't had time to get excited yet, but once we're actually on the ferry leaving the country with two of our mates Mark and Lee, we can relax and just enjoy the ride. Hopefully they've argued out the best route down to the Black Forest, but wherever we go, we're going to have the time of our lives. It'll be interesting to see what we forget to take...all part of the fun. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

Time gentlemen....for THE pie.

For the man sound in body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood do but make it pulse more vigorously. ~George Gissing, "Winter," The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft, 1903














Like I said before, it's no coincidence that pies and the Earth have a crust, and what a beautiful piece of art when they are combined. Mark Wallis has excelled himself once again. Sometimes you don't appreciate the beauty of something until it's destroyed. And destroy it we did. Great pie and great company, a perfect evening.

The sun was actually shining when we left Sunday morning, heading for London to locate some 'man-sized' boots. I decided to take my old waterproof gloves as a spare pair, opposed to buying new ones.

The ride across Oxfordshire was amazing, chosen by the satnav, sweeping 'A' and 'B' roads through picturesque villages, until we hit the motorway into London and a hailstorm. Fortunately it didn't last long, turning to heavy rain. By the time we reached a slip road to stop for waterproofs, my toes were already submerged inside my steadily filling boots, so opted to continue, just for the pleasure.
After much chin scratching beneath a doubtful expression, the shopkeeper produced two pairs of boots, neither of which could I squeeze my dripping socks into. As soon as I mentioned we were in the Riders Digest and would put in a good word if he helped me, he morphed into something resembling a Spanish waiter, being as helpful and courteous as possible. Not even his mate 'Pedro' at the other branch had anything suitable, so the Geoff led me to Sondel's via the visa office, which was shut.
Sondel's did have some decent goretex boots, the assistant offered to dispose of my old leather buckets, but they are fine in the dry and were duly perched atop my overladen bike.
A quick break at the A120 rest stop to stock up on copies of Riders Digest, just in case we need to resort to the 'Don't you know who we are' routine, then home. I showed the 'Gordon Bleugh' grill chef our picture, he pushed it away grunting, 'Don't like bikes, jus' stock the mag.'
We won't be going back there very soon then.

A Welsh leak...

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990. ~Dave Barry


Learn to trust thy satnav, 'tis a strange path it taketh, but thou shalt arrive. It followeth afterall, only a map. - Mark Wallis




We were amazed when Steve presented us with a Farleigh Hospice cake. I chose not to dive in head first, opting to save it for Tuesday 29th, when we set off from Farleigh in Chelmsford.
Breakfast in Gosforth at the Lakeland Habit Cafe (our favourite) then photos at Wastwater and even a little offroading to film the bikes by the lake. Daz left for Whitby after spending all his money on us in the pub. We must make it up to him when we return by letting him do the same, after all, we'll be skint.
I wanted to stay longer, Wastwater is a stunning view but we had to get to Betws-y-Coed in Snowdonia. Steve and Nicky drove back to Boot and we rode through the rain to Wales.

My comfortable, waterproof kangeroo skin gloves weren't, neither were my waterproof Oxtar boots, or my Frank Thomas waterproof jacket. This is why it's important to test your gear. On the plus side, the roads were fantastic.
We arrived to find the campsite closed for refurbishment until June, and as it was getting late and still raining heavily, decided to break our 'no hotel' rule to dry out the gear. Every clothes hanger, curtainrail, door and handle was covered in wet gear and the heating on full, curling my wet money nicely on the radiator. It was obvious I needed to get new boots, gloves and I knew my tent wasn't going to last long in this weather. So continuing the 'Rat' theme, the evening was spent changing from 'drowned as a rat' to 'rat arsed'.

To gain some time, instead of joining the BMW Boxertrix rideout http://www.boxertrix.com/ the next day, we headed down to Didcot a day early after watching dozens of BMWs and a few others leave the Stables Bar at the Royal Oak ride off into the hills. This would give me time to locate the rarest of items known to mankind in London, a pair of goretex boots in size 13.

Approaching Oxford, we parted ways on a roundabout as the satnav took me a diffrent route than expected, but Geoff soon caught up. The strange route did save some time, always handy to allow Geoff to stop 'for a smirk'.
Mark and wife Anna made us very welcome at their home in Didcot, even allowing us to cram the overloaded Tigers in their garage. His Honda Pan European seemed small in comparison.
I'd hardly slept all week, and must've looked slightly below par, but Mark knows exactly what a tired biker needs....beer and pie.

For lakes and pies to Boot.

Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.-Jack Handy

If nothing ever goes to plan, why plan?

-Alan Kelly

We arrived At St. Teresa's Hospice, Darlington in good time for the official start of Poor Circulation at 11am Wed. 23rd, St Georges day. The beaming smiles of all the staff and patients really brightened up an otherwise wet and overcast day.

During an interview for local BBC Radio Tees, (yes us on the rager!) Geoff's bike was left running for ambience. A crowd of photographers waved us on, well me anyway until I noticed Geoff in hysterics after realising leaving the bike running was the last straw for the battery!

We looked like a crowd of commuters trying to board the last bus, running behind Geoff's bike. A set of borrowed jump leads did the trick and soon we were off....to the nearest bike shop.

White Bros (Honda) Darlington supplied a charged battery, and charged cost price, only £21. Top blokes! By this time we realised Scotland may well have been as far away as Russia. There was no way we could ride there and get to the lakes in the same day, at least not at our more than youthful ages...

I wasn't my usual jovial self after misplacing my phone at Squires, and not realising until we stopped at Penny Garth Cafe, Hawes. Daz offered to ride back there on his way to Whitby the following Saturday, and post the phone home for me, a true 'Diamond Geezer' as we say dahn sahf. Luckily my brother Steve and wife Nicky were on their way to meet us at Boot in Eskdale Cumbria the following day, and would get it on his way. That's what brothers are for, it's their job.

I used my Garmin Zumo satnav for the first time, finding Wrynose and Harknott pass on our way to Boot in Eskdale. I was using a Scala Rider bluetooth headset, fine for vocal instructions or talking on the phone, but useless for music and very irritating so I've opted for a pair of noise cancelling headphones, excellent sound quality but I must remember to unplug before leaving the bike!

The sun was shining and the ride over Hardknott was let's say, 'entertaining' with a loaded bike. I performed my second ever unintentional wheelie. Was I bothered in the least? Well yes, but my slightly 'over-pied' frame soon equalised the weight distribution.

Martyn and Sue of Hollins Farm Campsite welcomed us and kindly allowed us two nights free camping. We always stay there every year simply because it's the perfect campsite in a perfect location. It's close to three pubs, including the Boot Inn who serve what we still believe to be the best pies in the world! Even if you don't have a tent, you can stay in a converted barn that sleeps up to eight, or one of the camping pods. You don't even have to be a member.

For more info-http://www.siteseeker.co.uk/aspx/details.aspx?id=9030

After a night of removing the 'ale' from Eskdale, I lent Geoff (4'9'') my 'Tilbury credit card' to siphon some fuel for the morning cuppa. It didn't work so a manual effort ensued. If I had my phone, Guinness would've been called there and then to register the world record for litres per gob of finest unleaded. If only I had my camera handy to capture the beautiful rainbow as the sun shone through millions of tiny droplets ejected from the purple human fountain. Not the best time to discover 97 RON is in fact clear, therefore difficult to see approaching along a clear tube. I suggested he should 'smirk a tab' so when he yawned, I could do some toast.

My sides ached for a while but at least I could keep warm by the bonfire, entertained as Geoff (3'11'') ran amok searching for something suitable to extinguish an overfilled stove.

Peace and tranquillity was soon restored, and while waiting for the local shop to cook the bacon rolls, we strolled along the river past the Eskdale corn mill. One of the few remaining two-wheeled mills dating back to 1578, still running as a visitor attraction.

Steve and Nicky soon arrived and I was reunited with close members of my family, when he handed me my phone.

Grey skies and hot pies....

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving. ~Lao Tzu

I promised I wouldn't mention Geoff's embarrassment at knocking over a cone and an Aprilia (thankfully caught before a whole row of bikes went down like dominoes!) at the Ace cafe last Monday, so I won't.

I had more jabs Tues 22nd, before realising it takes at least 5hrs longer than I expected to prepare a bike & luggage for the UK leg of our trip. We expected to arrive at Squires Cafe near Sherburn In Elmet Yorkshire at 1pm to meet a friend of Geoff's, Daryll Booker AKA Daz/Moggy, with a view to camping at Whitby. We finally arrived at 5pm and luckily, Daz was already 'over refreshed' on the local beverages, so didn't seem to mind. We soon joined in afer pitching the tents at Squires.

I didn't sleep at all that night, due to a combination of Daz opting to sleep in his bike gear and changing his mind during the night after cooking a pot noodle, which also met with the disaproval of the pub guard dogs, Geoff snoring like a pneumatic drill outside a sawmill and the overhead powerlines buzzing in the fog like a fly killer in a kebab shop. At least I was up early to pack up before it rained...

And they're off....

I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, while the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me. ~Isaac Newton

We had a fantastic night at the Ace cafe last night, the interest shown by so many complete strangers was humbling. The Riders Digest team were fantastic, our first installment is out now so find out where you can pick up a free copy from the link above. Thanks to Mark Wilsmore 'saviour of the Ace' for the socks and the excellent sausage sandwiches! If you've never been to the Ace then you're missing out, it's an amazing place not only for bikers but car enthusiasts as well.

The bike is packed and ready to go, I've never been so busy in my life! We're off to Squires Milk Bar and then on to Whitby for the night, ready for St. Teresas Darlington in the morning.

Must dash I'm late as usual!

The magnificent 7 ride again. (if you count me twice & Mark 3 times)

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs. ~Vance Havner

Finally, after months of planning, the most important piece of the jigsaw that is Poor Circulation has been finalised. While Geoff was busy applying for the Russian visas, I was on the phone to Mark Wallis, specifying our exact requirements for the largest steak & ale pie, which he has promised to make upon our return from Scotland. If we are ever cold, wet and miserable on our bikes, Mark's is the place to go and get completely fed up. This, along with the news that Lee Crahart (London marathon 2008 4hrs 15mins-he would've finished earlier but the race hadn't started then) and Mark Wallis (box of marathons aka snickers, 4mins 15secs) will be joining us at Dover on May 1st, for a long weekend through France down to the Black Forest in Germany.

It's the first time the four of us have ridden together since we met in 2004, completing Nick Sanders Motochallenge GB as 'Team Hap Hazard' finishing in 3rd place! (Team 'Norfolk 'n' Chance' won the event and I believe we would have if only Geoff had agreed on my team name suggestion of 'What's Suffolk Indifference?' Unfortunately, not everyone understands wordplay...) Geoff actually won the northern half of the trip, and all of us came away with an embarrassing array of trophies, except for me as they had run out before I could receive one for 2nd place in the time consistency trial. I'm not bitter, I'm completely over it and will never mention it ever again. Geoff will always be a faster rider than myself, far more experience and 5 stone lighter, but if your after a smooth ride, I'm the man.

As from today I'm officially unemployed for the first time and no, it's not a nice feeling! Absolutely no income and nothing left to sell, so when my money runs out, the trip shall end. Geoff is in the same boat, at least I hope he is when we leave for Calais!

This week we've been busier than a Jehovah's Witness in a World of Doors Store. On Monday I confirmed a send off date of Tues 29th from Farleigh Hospice and a photo shoot Sun 20th (PLEASE DONATE www.justgiving.com/alankelly1 http://www.farleigh.org/) Tuesday had three more travel jabs. Wednesday I received my long awaited worldwide travel insurance and a bank letter stating I was £3500 overdrawn, panic, refrain from 'buttering my britches'. Thursday sort bank problem, ride home from work to pick up passport and business invites from City Sprint to enable us to apply for a 90 day business visa for Russia, as a tourist visa only lasts 30 days, ride to Geoff's with documents, apply for two visas online, agree to pay extra £100 for next day processing to ensure we receive visas before we leave for Darlington, so less chance of panic, pay £50 deposit of a total £235 each. Discover Geoff hasn't received written confirmation of travel insurance. Panic. Go to pub for pie, food not being served, panic. Ride home, cook pie. Friday 6.30am Geoff phones needing a signed confirmation of my visa application, panic. Divert my morning commute to Geoff's humble abode (decidedly more barren than the depths of Siberia after he sold all of his 'objets d'art') print visa app. and sign, continue to work. 9am Geoff phones travel insurance broker to send email confirmation of insurance, prints email, rides to Russian embassy London. Embassy doesn't process visas on Fridays, panic. Visas not available for four weeks due to £50 deposit. Panic. Geoff pays full amount cash with visible sweat and tears. Embassy submits applications for Monday, with a guarantee of available collection by Thursday. We will be in the Lake district that day. Panic. Arrange collection following Monday thus negating extra £100 for next day processing and reinstating original time frame for panicking. Scrape barrel marked 'emergency sense of humour' leave job. Plan Saturday and Sunday. Write blog.

So that's an small insight to worldwide trip planning of you decide to do it in a few months with a full time job. There's still much to do, but now the rollercoaster has almost finished, the ride can begin!
I may even find time to get exited.

Let not the sands of time get in your gravy

My sole transport transports my soul - Alan Kelly

With hindsight, (do hinds have good sight? I've no eye deer...) I would never again try to plan a trip of this scale and still be working a 50hr week. I've only two weekends left to get ready, with far more than 4 days worth of things to do, so it's Bob Hope and no hope for me then. Geoff's already packed having decided which clothes to take. (Picture 'Man At C&A' strutting to the Bee Gees, and a supercilious expression) It's a catch 22 but I need the money. Especially after discovering someone had taken £250 from my account with a cloned card. I suspect due to a phoney phone call. A sure way to make a tall man short and withdrawn. The Gorm on the "help" line asked to check my identity. After quick glance in the mirror, replied "Yes, it's me." He was as vacant as a condemned outhouse. But it's no use blaming the cistern. Some form of form had to be filled, to formally inform necessary information, as per norm. An account of my recount of my account. Being on form I suggested a reform to save this performance. The gorm was true to form. With no access to my money for 5 days and a 15 day wait for a refund. Joy.

Perhaps moving all the bottles in my drinks cabinet to the top shelf would be a sure way to raise my spirits, if only I had one. So I turned to my bike, my oasis. Even that proved to be a mirage.

The only thing feeling more drained than me is my bike battery, after discovering the alarm faintly chirping like a distressed sparrow. Geoff's bike is also alarmed, but that's due to his style of riding. After a close examination of my bike, there was no obvious reason for the alarm to sound, so I tried to reset it. Nothing happened so I turned on the ignition to deliberately set off the alarm. Nothing. I hit the panic button. That didn't work either, so I did what any normal person would do in a similar situation and hastily introduced a size 13 steel-capped toe to the rear tyre.
"If I had any idea what I was doing you wouldn't be so chirpy then, would you? No!" As if threatening an inanimate object would help, but there's always a first time. After admitting defeat, and turning the key from 'bereft' to 'doornail'...it stopped. It's not pining, it's dead.

My electrical tester's instructions appeared to be in Polish, so assuming it's only good for Pole volts, connected a charger, hoping for the best. More joy.

While the battery is currently re-volting, I'm left to stare at an empty space where my car has been parked for 6yrs, after selling my BMW 3 series coupe. One of a precious few cars I can fit in comfortably, and I loved the 6 cylinder engine but alas, surplus to requirements and I need all the money I can get for this trip. It was rarely driven, but kept for the sake of owning a car, and for transportation of friends and family who are unable to comprehend the joys of motorcycling. You can lead a horse to water...

The £600 I got for my car has paid for my sat-nav, the spare clutch and brake levers and cables for both bikes, (£180!) a tankful of petrol and two pies, leaving me with £20.
I walked to the petrol garage the next day for a pint of milk and some crisps.

"Any fuel?" asked the garage owner.

"No thanks" I replied, "I've just sold my car for £600 and I'm left with this £20 note."

"That's ok" he replied, "You can put the crisps back."

It's all gravy...

One HHHundred & EIGHHHTEYYY!!

A Short History of Medicine

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."

1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."

1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."

1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."

2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."~Author Unknown

After carefully trawling across several websites, we were pleased to discover that most travel vaccines were avoidable, given the route we are taking has a similar latitude to the U.K. Since we aren't entering the tropics, Africa or S. America, we needn't worry about Malaria, Yellow Fever, Meningitis or Japanese B Encephalitis. So Geoff, 5'10" (yeh right-you can see his feet on his driver's licence!) decided as a general precaution, on a Tetanus booster, I assume because his bikes are usually rusty old nails, and Rabies, as it's possible we may encounter a bear. Personally I wouldn't wait long enough to see if a bear was foaming at the mouth. A good way to tell the difference between a black bear and a grizzly, is a black bear will climb a tree after you to kill you, whereas a grizzly will knock the tree down and kill you. Usually because it sees you as a threat, so it's best to curl up on the ground and play dead, rather than fight it and be dead. They are usually seeking food, like me, so ours will be kept in airtight containers.

We have an award winning First Need Deluxe water purifier, that removes bacteria and chemicals from any water source, so we will always have 100% safe drinking water. Unlike most water filters and purifiers, this one doesn't use iodine or any other chemicals. It's expensive, but probably our most vital piece of kit, as most viruses are spread through drinking water.

Camping on the shores of Loch Lomond during summer 2006, taught us the importance of protection from mosquitoes. Milyons of 'em.
"Would Sir care for some mosquito repellent?"

"No thanks, I'm sure we'll be.....ok, we'll take two!"

Copious amounts of Deet are therefore ready for deployment, as is a lesser known, but very affective protection, in the form of Avon Skin So Soft. Obviously, in the interests of upkeeping our biker machismo, by no account shall we admit to it's use.

Out of curiosity, I contacted my local GP and was advised to fill out a travel vaccine form, so they could inform me which diseases, if any, are currently prevalent in the countries we are travelling. In the meantime, I was given a one-off pneumonia jab.

"You're going to need quite a few Mr. Kelly" the nurse reliably informed me the following day. "And as soon as possible, some of these are a course of three!"

The list is as follows:

Hepatitis A & B

Typhoid

Diphtheria

Tetanus

Polio

Rabies

Tick Borne Encephalitis

Malaria (only if we decide to go deep into Mexico, so we wont!)

The good news is all were free of charge except Rabies and Tick Borne Encephalitis, which are expensive and not usually available from local GPs. I managed to get an appointment next morning at my local medical centre to receive an armful of TBE, in exchange for a handful of cash. £6o a jab, with the second needed within 4 weeks, and a third in 6 months if you need 3 years protection. Rabies was available from my GP at £101 for a 3 course. Normally you won't receive more than two jabs at once, but as we are less than 1 month from departure, I had Hepatitis A & B, TBE and Rabies all in the same day.

I felt like a Voodoo doll, wondering if the process worked in reverse, imagining an effigy of me in pain. Or maybe I'd sat in the way of Phil 'The Power' Taylor on one of his 'off' days. But hey, I've had fun before....

Luckily modern needles are so small you hardly notice them, so if you're travelling get vaccinated. I promise you won't feel like a victim of a drive-by jousting from Sir Lancelot.

This month is proving to be our busiest by far, and we are both feeling the strain. And my antibodies are busier than blind man putting socks on a rooster.

I need a holiday.

Mind the steppe

The shortest distance between two points is under construction. ~Noelie Altito









How did we choose a route across the largest country in the world? To me it looks a simple case of taking the first steppe and the second will follow. Well, almost, we are actually avoiding most of "the Great Steppe," as our route goes mostly around the top of it. The world's largest zone of all steppes, (like a prairie, but shorter grass and temperatures can vary from -40 to +40) found in southwest Russia and neighbouring countries in Central Asia, stretches from Ukraine in the west to the Ural Mountains and the Caspian Sea. Our proposed route takes us from Sochi to Volgograd, then around the top of Kazakstan via Chelyabinsk, Omsk and Novosibirsk. From there across the top of Mongolia to Irkutsk and Lake Baikal, Ulan-Ude and Chita.

This is where it becomes 'interesting' as this vast Trans-Siberian highway, officially opened in 2004 by Vladimir Putin, isn't quite finished. The section between Chita and Khabarovsk, the Amur Highway, is 2100km and currently under construction. Latest information states 1600km is still gravel, so by my best guestimation we shall have to ride very carefully for about 1000 miles. I've just fitted a Ventura headlight guard, courtesy of David Gath at http://www.motohaus.com/ so hopefully if Geoff or his bike throw stones at me, it's unlikely to damage my headlight. Richard Lindley rode across the gravel highway in 2006, also on a Triumph Tiger, saying he was lucky to reach 40mph. His story can be found on the motorcyclists travel site, http://www.horizonsunlimited.com/

It is arguably the longest road in the world, stretching over 11000km from St. Petersburg to Vladivostok, disputing with the Trans-Canada Highway and Highway 1, Australia. Officially, Guinness lists the longest road as the Pan-American Highway at 24,150km, but this has a 54km long section in Panama known as the 'Darien Gap' where the road doesn't connect.


Apparently, the Amur route will be made into a 7 lane highway in 2010. I generally avoid motorways unless I'm in a hurry, but given the choice of riding a new 7 lane highway or 1000 miles of gravel, maybe 9 out of 10 motorcyclists who expressed a preference....


Worried? Me? No, of course not. Not at all, not really. No honestly, well, maybe a bit....ok yes.