Pessimism blunts the tools you need to succeed.

All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. ~Mark Kennedy



Sochi, we've decided, will be our entry point for Russia. After suffering the heatwave over Easter here in England, (I knew things were hotting up when the snow turned to sleet) we thought we deserved more and picked a route through Greece and Turkey, following the coast of the Black Sea to Trabzon. From there a relaxing 12hr ferry crossing to the spectacular location of Sochi on the coast of the Black Sea and at the foot of the Caucasus Mountains in southern Russia. The International Olympic Committee has designated Sochi as the host city of the 2014 Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games. Thanks to this decision, Russia will host its first ever Winter Games, so I'm hoping it's not going to look like a building site when we arrive!
Originally, we had planned to ride north crossing Bulgaria and Romania, as I wanted to visit Bran Castle high in the Carpathian mountains. This is a former residence of Prince Vlad Tepes The Impaler, or Dracula to you and me. But as Geoff is, let's say 'chronologically gifted,' he requested a more southerly route across warmer climes. I had to agree. Although this means we will bypass Georgia, a ferry will at least give us a break from riding and a chance to relax before we take the plunge into Russia. Knowing my luck the ferry will take the plunge into the depths of the Black Sea...ah well in for a penny. (I wonder if that's the name of Rod Stewart's house?)
The ferries across the black sea are a cause for some trepidation, after reading that many of them have been hijacked. But then, we were riding across Georgia around the coast to avoid Chechnya anyway, so either way Sochi was a definite destination. If you believe all that you read, you would think we were motorcycling around the world, when really we will be soaking up the sun in Miami for six months....(did I type that out loud?)

Despite Geoff's favoured pretence at being Tarzan of the concrete jungle, he convinced me to purchase a sat-nav, if only as an excuse for him to unleash his pent up torrent of abuse, usually savoured by fellow technologically advanced citizens of London, blissfully unaware of his suffering at the hands of someones obvious topographical errors on his well worn map. So, I'm now the proud owner of a Garmin Zumo 550, the self proclaimed 'Daddy' of motorcycle sat-navs. It has full coverage of every European country, so at least it will know exactly where we are, but I'm still going to use a map as well until it earns it's trust. Never put all your eggs in one motorcycle pannier. The Zumo can still be of use across Russia, as it has an 'off road' setting, a compass, and many other useful toys. If it helps us to get to far eastern Russia, at least I can say it got my Bering Strait.

Rules are for fools and a guide for the wise

The only thing you can influence in life, is what you are about to do. - Alan Kelly







I always wondered why the future seemed to happen to me while I was doing something else. Sedated by endless routine, existing instead of living. Suddenly you're ten years older. If you love life, don't waste time, make it memorable, what else do you have? If you live freely in the moment then time constraints cease to exist. You're not worrying about the past or the future. This is the time of your life.

You cannot be prepared for every eventuality, but we will carry as many spares as we can, some of which are a legal requirement in some countries, and a good first aid kit. We both have basic first aid training but I may have to draw the line at mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. 'See that Bears game last night? Helluva game!' I think it's more important to have a well prepared mind. Panicking at every mishap will invariably lead to the wrong decision. I'm sure if 'Elf & Safety' had anything to do with it, we would be carrying two 750mm direction arrows, a road narrows sign, a minimum of six cones and a 'chimps at work' sign. After filling out the on-site risk assessment, we would have spent twice as long on site as necessary, therefore doubling the risk and more likely needing to fill in a 'near miss' report. Not to mention a full catalogue of 'Mind how you go' equipment. After the Hatfield rail disaster, ridiculous speed limits were introduced to increase safety. Unfortunately passengers arrived home so late most took to commuting by car thus increasing their danger. My personal safety has always been a top priority, especially riding a motorcycle, but I can't understand why we all have to live by stringent rules designed from the lowest common denominator i.e. the thickest idiot. An example from our last 'elf & safety' meeting was to inform us that it gets dark earlier during the winter, and colder so wear warm clothing and eat a good breakfast and lunch. During the summer, daylight lasts longer and due to the warmer temperature you should drink more water! I was still living on Earth last time I checked, so I already know these things! If I was an employer, I would suggest not employing personnel that stupid to greatly reduce the risk to the rest of us in the first place!

I love working on the highways really, even if I have already tendered my resignation, so I can discover where all these roads actually lead. My last day will be Friday 18th April. I've never been out of work before and here I am giving up a perfectly well paid job just so I can ride my bike. No sense? Nonsense!

We will ride during the day, stop at points of interest, eat when we are hungry and sleep when we get tired. If we have a breakdown, then that is simply an unscheduled break. Life happens around you, adjust and go with the flow. Some people will laugh at such foolishness, preferring the comforts of double glazed isolation, soap operas and heated towel rails, but the wise will understand. We all live under the same sky, but our needs are different.

I'm still considering a sat-nav. I've never needed one before but it's benefits are tempting. Maps tend not to list bikers favourite routes, points of interest, pie vendors, or play mp3s. Maybe the extortionate price will actually save us money, rather than relying on our often opposite senses of direction. Should the worst happen, no local pies for example, I feel safer knowing I have our exact position to give to our rescuers. We both think it's a good idea to have one between us, especially if it's me so Geoff gets an opportunity to give me a public stoning, accusing me of selling my soul to witchcraft, and spears are better than shrink wrapped bacon etc. After admitting the real reason for not getting one is insufficient time for him to learn how to use it. I've already got an indestructible waterproof map, but within it's robust design, a distinct lack of 'B' roads, rendering it useless off the beaten track. Besides, Geoff is taking a laptop so it's only fair that I also have a gadget to play with.

If anyone wishes to bid us farewell in person, even if it's hurling abuse or preferably money, you may do so at the Ace Cafe 7pm Monday 21st April, where we will be trying to convince the 'Riders Digest' team the best thing to boost their circulation is to print the 'Poor Circulation' trials and tribulations. Hopefully our Russian visas can be collected before Wednesday 23rd (Details, schmetails) as it is the official start of 'Poor Circulation' leaving St. Teresa's Hospice Darlington at 10am. Onwards and upwards to bonnie Scotland, down to the Lakes for a day or two, Wales for a day or two, then home to iron out any problems. Farleigh Hospice Chelmsford is our last port of call Wednesday 30th April, before our intermediate port of call Folkestone campsite, a favorite of Geoff's, before our first port of call Dover Thursday 1st May, to our second port of call Calais. This is for me, where the journey really begins. Other than an entry and exit date for the Russian visas, June 1st, exiting within ninety days, we have no rigid schedule.

This is what I call freedom.

Deux tartes, s'il vous plait

Alcohol, the cause and solution to, all
life's problems. - Homer Simpson
Poor circulation HQ has been the usual hive of inactivity until now. This week we received many deliveries from 'Parcel Marceau' some attempted, some successful and some left with neighbours. We now have most of the things we need, mostly due to the generosity of Frank and Liz at http://www.triumph-online.co.uk/,
Graham at http://www.bykebitz.co.uk/,
David at http://www.motohaus.com/ and http://www.wemoto.com/.

Talk about Christmas come early! They have all saved us a small fortune on spares and accessories for the bikes and their help will go a long way in helping our journey succeed. The further we get the more publicity we can get for them and raise awareness for the Hospices. Every one's a winner!
Geoff is currently pulling his hair out trying to secure the Russian visas, flapping around and cursing like Icarus....while I'm sorting through the boxes of equipment wondering how we can fit it all on the bikes....

We can't carry everything we want on a bike, but we can carry everything we need. That's one of the many reasons why I chose a Triumph Tiger. Not a 1970's Tiger Cub like Ted Simon rode around the world on (read Jupiter's travels) but a 2006 Tiger 955i. It has an excellent carrying capacity, a 24lt fuel tank, over 50mpg and most importantly can accommodate a man of my stature. Few people even realise Triumph are still being manufactured, after being bought by a successful property developer John Bloor in the late 80's, they have been completely re-designed and built in a new state-of -the-art factory in Hinckley, Leicesterchire. That was, until it burnt down. Now after a rebuild, it's the most modern motorcycle factory in the world. 40.000 bikes a year are made, and they are deliberately 'over engineered' to ensure they never leak oil, unlike the original bikes' reputation. The fuel injected triple engine is more reliable than most of the Japanese competition, and even BMW. (more Tigers are sold in Germany than the equivalent BMW) The Tiger is a 'dual purpose' bike, but the later models such as ours, are almost totally road biased. Just like us then. But we can ride off the beaten track if we have to, ideal to recce campsites in the purest 'poorcirculation' style, and that will be a 'trial' in itself. This will prove to be entertaining as we have precious little 'off road' experience. My idea of a dual purpose bike is 'go & stop.'
As for European language barriers, we considered an electronic 'speaking' translator, but over the last few months we have been learning the subtle differences between Geordie and Estuary and seem to be communicating much better now. This is by no means easy, for example Geoff aired his concerns for the environment and concluded he was gangrene due to global warming. Also at the pub known as 'The Lercal' some confusion arose when he asked for 'Two eels, eye.' Then he announced he was losing his sense of humour by saying he was giving up smirking. Small problems, but often overcome by the simple use of universal hand signals which I'm sure, will bode us well across Europe. Russian checkpoints and border crossings may prove more difficult, even if the guards speak English. I doubt they could understand Geoff's pronunciation, and given his penchant for army surplus equipment, drastically increases the likelihood of him being shot on sight. Especially as I've put an MI5 sticker on his back.
However, a picture says a thousand words, so I shall be purchasing a universal picture dictionary. I won't tell Geoff, so he will be suitably impressed at my language prowess. Let the gesticulation commence!

Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes....

Apologies for not updating my blog for a while. In my last entry I mentioned that technology is only as reliable as those who design it. Two days later my PC unceremoniously destroyed itself. Fortunately, my Dad has a laptop I can borrow when he's not using it. Not very often then... Only recently had I said how awkward it would be if I lost all my trip planning and contacts, this close to departure. I have learned from previous experience how important it is to backup files regularly onto DVDs. But, I discovered my last backup didn't include the all important 'World trip' file. How I laughed as I discovered a simple 'El Cheapo' power supply, commonly used in bargainous PCs, and specifically designed to break 24hrs after the guarantee runs out. A simple case of transplanting all the useful parts into my older, and much better, hand built PC. Unfortunately this was sold to a friend two weeks earlier, as I needed the money for the trip. This 'friend' still owes me £50.

Against my better judgement, I entered my local PC shop with a view to fixing mine on the cheap. I only need a PC until I leave so it's not worth spending money for something that will have little use, and be obsolete when I return. Needless to say, the shop owner didn't have what I required, couldn't understand how to dismantle the 'pretty' components, allowed me the use of his magnetic (!!) screwdriver, offered a useless alternative and left me to re-assemble it. I was smiling through gritted teeth, but before I could say 'You're incompetent, that's incompatible', my talents were required to fix his 'new fangled Windows Vista' laptop, then explain to him how re-install programs and restore his settings, and even give advice to a customer when he couldn't! How people like him can run a business is beyond me. Honestly, the wheel's still turning but the hamster is dead! Apart from an almost complete sense of humour bypass, I've had a good weekend.

It's frustrating having to rely on other people at the best of times. Computers can be very useful Geoff, just take off your 'Procrastinate Now!' T-shirt and get the bikes rolling mate.

I've learnt the main difference between us two; Geoff says 'I'm sure everything will be fine...'
I say 'I'm making sure everything will be fine...'

I think it's finally dawning on him just how important it is to plan all the little details, now that he can't leave it all to me....

On the plus side, we successfully applied for our International Driving Permits, having to apply in person to Chelmsford main post office as they are the only local office that issues them for some unknown reason. These next few weeks will be busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, but I'm sure everything will be fine....

Why travel the world? Because I have nowhere else to go...

The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss. ~Thomas Carlyle

It's not easy to get some perspective on this trip. Having never travelled outside the U.K. I have no frame of reference, so to answer most questions I can only speculate. It's natural to worry, but I'm level-headed enough to know that worrying is as useful as a concrete trampoline. After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Yes we're bound to get hopelessly lost, but these are the events that make the journey.

I'm worried in case the huge mileages across Russia will be tedious. I've considered a motorcycle specific sat-nav that plays MP3s as a form of entertainment rather than a tool, handy across Europe because it saves stopping each time you need the map, but it's useless in Russia, as the maps are unavailable, and was still illegal to use until 2006. It therefore doesn't justify it's cost. Besides, there is only one main road [sic] across Eastern Russia, so how lost could we get? Most traffic on this new 'highway' is imported Japanese cars, driven from Vladivostok to Moscow, for sale at an inflated price. So to answer another popular question, 'Am I worried about food and fuel,' the answer is no. As a result of these car imports, food and fuel is available everywhere from new fuel stations cropping up along the route. Geoff still prefers a map, as do I, technology will always be as unreliable as those who design it but I find it has intrinsic value. Technology changes everything, so it's not just a logical step but an ecological step forward. You wouldn't be reading this otherwise. Geoff's reason for his 'technophobia' is because he would never survive his fellow courier's riducule at his ineptitude neccessitating his need for a sat-nav, even though he won't admit it. What a shame to succumb to peer pressure at his age. Strange how he prefers his laptop to chalk on a cave wall. Maybe if that many people were attracted to his cave it would probably now be a Tesco express.

Of course I'm worried about crashing the bike, it's one of the main reasons why I'm still alive! I did have a close call just after my 18th birthday. My Honda C90 lost an arguement with a tanker lorry full of human excrement. Whilst laying in traction in hospital my older brother Phil paid me a visit in full mechanics well-used attire, both wondering how we had got in such a state, and assured me the lorry was empty, as he had just finished servicing the lorry minutes before it hit me. 'No shit!' I exclaimed. It was nonetheless a painful experience. No pain-good! Years of experience have taught me the main skill, is ride the bike in a safe way so that you don't have to rely on the skills you've learnt.

In Siberia, and anywhere else for that matter, should the worst happen we will have medical insurance that covers repatriation for us and the bikes. A simple 'what if...?' will prevent most people doing anything let alone achieving their dreams. As a motorcyclist I realise what most people dont; where there is a road, there is life.

The water in Majorca....

If you should find yourself in nowhere, you should know where to find yourself. - Alan Kelly.

As I lay awake early on Sunday, wondering why the sun never ceases to rise every morning as a relentless reminder of the passage of time, it suddenly dawned on me. In these last few weeks planning this trip I have forgotten the fundamental reason. I've been busier than a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond and haven't taken the time to ride my bike anywhere. After all, how many more sunrises can I hope to see? The following events that followed my following thoughts followed a swift phone call as follows-

'Geoff, I think today must be 'Pie day'

'I couldn't agree more Al, see you at 11.30.'

There is something to be said for modern bike clothing. My new triple layer winter kit kept me a little too warm even though the frost hadn't yet cleared. There wasn't a cloud in the sky as I carved my way along the narrow twisting lanes towards Broxted. Now I remember, this is what being alive feels like, in a way only motorcyclists can understand. At least in winter you don't catch bugs in your grin. Geoff followed at an exaggerated safe distance, he really should trust me more. Pie first, then photos. It was a perfect day until the discovery of a nice pub, with a distinct lack of pie. I suppose change is as good as a rest, unfortunately when I paid the bill the barman had no concept of the word 'change'.

There is a little known route to the end of the runway at Stansted where we could park the bikes for an 'arty' photo session. If you know of 'Elsenham Still Artesian Bottled Spring Water' located at Green street Elsenham, follow Green street to the end and you will be parked at the end of the runway at Stansted airport. It was only a mile from the pub so we swapped bikes for a test ride. Strange how two identical bikes can feel so different.

'I don't like this and that' said Geoff.

'Me neither, and yours also is generally poxy' I replied. 'Swap back? Ok!'

We hoped to photograph the bikes with a plane coming in to land in the background. Unfortunately the planes were taking off in the opposite direction than usual, so were too high for a good photo. As reliable as Geoff remembering to charge the camera batteries. Apart fom that, we had a successful day.

If you are unaware of Elsenham water, bottled at source from a pure confined aquifer, (a chalk borehole to you and me...) it was the world most expensive uber-premium water in 2005 at £30 for a 750ml hand polished, French fashion designed, trademark capped bottle. I mean who actually wants 'House Water' these days? At an average price of 96p a litre it's a little 'too available' when you would hope to have something more 'Glacial' or 'Mountainous' and 100.000 times more expensive? Naturally Geoff and I are arranging to have a regular airdrop of this finest of 'Stumbled On Searching For A Water Leak In My Jam Factory, Borehole Created In 1890, Used As A Well In 1919, Abandoned In The Sixties After It Broke, Purest Artesian Still Water From An Essex Industrial Estate.' If there was ever a story of all's well, that ends well, I suppose this is it. Personally, whilst dining at El Bulli, the worlds finest multi-Michelin starred Catalan restaurant, it's still perfectly permissible to ask for a jug of tap water. The only cost you'd incur would be the potential disdain of neighbouring diners.

Currently I believe the most expensive water is 'Bling H2o' at £40 a bottle. Some Hollywood 'celebs' even buy it for their dogs, allegedly.

These people are exactly the type I would like to give a guided tour of Farleigh hospice to, so that they may see how donating the price of a bottle of water could make a huge difference to someones life.

You won't add days to your life by drinking overpriced spring water, so maybe you could fill a bottle with tapwater and donate what you may spend on 'Eau Naturelle' to help Farleigh Hospice add life to their patients days.

I've made it easy for you, please visit my fundraising page-http://www.justgiving.com/alankelly1

I saw a sign saying 'Go for it!' So I went for it. It had gone....

Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You'll find what you need to furnish it - memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey. ~Tad Williams

Many people are showing an interest in this trip and asking questions such as, 'What route are you taking?' Well, here's the plan so far....er....er....the trouble is, apart from being busier than a one armed man pitching a tent in a storm, we aren't accustomed to choosing specific destinations. We choose a direction. It's often said 'Never ask a motorcyclist for directions' because we will always choose the most pleasurable route, often the longest. With the exception of Geoff, when he's trying to scrape a living in London, but if you asked him how to get to the Lake district for example, it definitely wouldn't be up the M6! We have made a general route, which will hopefully pan out as we go, depending on what we see, who we meet, where we find to stay etc. We hope to leave St. Teresa's Hospice in Darlington on 23rd April, St. George's day, then meander our way across Scotland, down to Eskdale in the lakes, The Boot Inn for pie, and Wast Water which was voted 'Britains favorite view' and was until the view has since been blocked by tourists! Snowdonia, across Wales then Farleigh Hospice in Chelmsford. Incidentally, did you know there is only one lake in the Lake district? Bassenthwaite Lake, all the others are Meres, Waters or Tarns, and one reservoir. Finally, after a send-off from the Ace Cafe http://www.ace-cafe-london.com/ we'll be taking a ferry to Calais on 1st May, courtesy of the kind people at P&O who offered to take us free of charge! www.poferries.com/ or more likely our friends had a whip-round to ensure we leave the country....

Europe is by far the most expensive part of the trip, so we hope to cross it fairly quick via France, Germany, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Slovenia, along the Adriatic coast, Albania, Greece, possibly Turkey if we can get away with a Carnet, otherwise it's up through Bulgaria, Romania and the Ukraine to our first port of call in Russia, Volgograd. Mainly because we have been reliably informed Volgograd is home to some of Russia's most beautiful women! This of course all depending on if and when our Russian visas allow us to enter. If not, then it's plan B. Despite Vladimir Putin recently flexing his political muscles, this doesn't seem to affect the tourist trade as Russia doesn't want a bad name. Then it's a simple task of following the River Volga north until we find the road heading east to Irkutsk and Lake Baikal, the largest freshwater lake in the world. Again depending on visas, a view to entering Kazakstan and Mongolia on the way. From Irkutsk along the new 'Amur Highway' around the top of China to Vladivostok. China would make a fantastic shortcut but unfortunately is a logistical nightmare for motorcycle travellers of our ilk.

All that's left is to sally forth, infiltrate a place of conveyance for two bikes and riders to Anchorage. Vladivostok air should be flying direct to Anchorage by the time we arrive if not, then it's via Japan, which we may choose to do so anyway thanks to Austin Vince's recommendation! After a casual jaunt across Alaska and British Columbia, pay a visit to Geoff's brother Alan in Boonville CA. down to Mexico and back across to New York. Our budget doesn't exactly cover our way home from N.Y. but we are both good swimmers and Geoff does look rather fetching in his orange armbands. The fact that they match his orange bike is not a coincidence!